When Eric appeared for our initial meeting carrying a dozen long-stemmed roses and a personalized keychain engraved with my initials, a rush of excitement came over me. I believed I had found an exceptional partner. He demonstrated a captivating presence, was highly attentive, and thoughtfully pulled out my chair before I sat down. Our introduction came through shared acquaintances: Mia, my closest confidante, and Chris, Eric’s housemate, which gave me a solid feeling of security entering the evening.
He was resolute about covering all the expenses, offering a confident smile as he stated, “A man handles the cost of the first date.” I expressed my gratitude, finding myself mildly impressed by his self-assuredness and refined manners.
The conversation flowed reasonably well; although there was no sudden spark of intense connection, he projected an image of warmth and respect. That evening, I settled into bed with a feeling of hope. Could this finally be a decent individual? Perhaps? The next morning, I awoke to a new notification on my phone. I anticipated a sweet message, something like: “I enjoyed our evening. Looking forward to connecting again.” Instead, what appeared was an invoice.
I am completely serious. It was an actual, detailed itemized invoice with the title: “Date Night – Amount Due.” This is the breakdown of what it listed:
- Bouquet of Roses – 1 hug
- Custom Keychain Gift – 1 coffee date
- Dinner & Tip – A guaranteed second date
- Polite Conversation – A compliment about my appearance
- Transportation Costs – A voice note declaring I’m “worth it.”
At the very bottom, in bold lettering: “Failure to comply may result in collection — via Chris.” Yes. That same Chris. Our mutual friend who had vouched for his character. My phone nearly slipped from my grasp. I captured a screenshot and immediately forwarded it to Mia, who was left utterly speechless by the audacity.
Mia immediately placed a call to Chris, who was horrified that his roommate had perpetrated such an eccentric stunt. However, Chris swiftly decided to take action. Within the hour, Chris had dispatched a retaliatory invoice to Eric — one that was equally absurd and significantly more amusing.
Chris’s invoice contained charges for elements like:
- Sitting at the Same Table as Her – Public apology
- Pretending to Be a Gentleman – Three hours of introspection
- Wasting Her Time – A donation to the National Dating Therapy Fund
- Not Posting This Online – A generous thank-you gift to Serena
- Embarrassing Me by Association – Two weeks of dish duty.
Eric reacted poorly to this development. He started inundating my phone with messages such as: “You fail to understand my humor.” “You passed up an opportunity with a great person.” “At least I am transparent regarding my expectations.” I chose not to respond. I sent him a thumbs-up emoji and then blocked his number. Oh, and the personalized keychain? I kept that item. It currently hangs on my corkboard, serving as a token from the most bizarre dating experience of my life. The lesson learned? If a man insists on covering the cost of the meal, confirm he is not anticipating a complicated, romantic payment schedule in exchange.
